Forget Ivan the Terrible—Andy Murray Needs a Really Ruthless Coach

30/03/2011 at 12:14 am (Great Britain, History, Royalty, Russia, Tennis, The Ruthless Court) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Murray and Lenin--A Match Made in The Ruthless Court?

Upon seeing this tweet by David Law, giving a shout out to Jonathan Overend’s wit and wisdom, what else were we at The Ruthless Court going to do other than reflect upon which Russian historical figure would suit British world no.5 Andy Murray best as a coach?

For weeks now, the great and the good of tennis have been advising Andy to ‘get a coach’ (presumably they mean a coach other than BFF/glorified hitting partner Dani Vallverdu). The alleged need for a coach seems all the more acute now that Andy has parted company with part-time consultant Alex Corretja. The recent waterfall of cries for Andy to employ a full-time coach was initially prompted by Andy’s…interesting form since this year’s Australian Open. It’s interesting in the sense that he hasn’t won a match since his defeat in the AO final at the hands of the since-unbeaten Novak Djokovic. Yeah, that kind of ‘interesting’. But never fear, because we can reveal right here, right now that Andy will win Wimbledon 2011—it’s in The Ruthless Court so it must be true.

If, for some strange reason, you’re not comforted by this news and you still think Andy should just, you know, get a coach, may we suggest that neither the great Ivan Lendl nor the terrible Ivan the…Terrible are ruthless enough to guide the young Briton to his first grand slam? No, if you’re looking for the kind of ruthlessness that a Wimbledon-champion-in-the-making needs alongside him, then there’s no better place to look than The Ruthless Court. Move over Mr. Terrible–which of the iconic Russian figures who are actually in The Ruthless Court is best suited to getting Andy out of the small scrape he currently finds himself in?:

Tsarina Alexandra—Whilst she’s the perfect combination of Germanic efficiency and Russian eccentricity, her judgement isn’t too sound if her adoration of Rasputin is anything to go by. Also, as The Ruthless Court reveals, she has enough men in her life without having to worry about lanky tennis players.

Tsar Nicholas II—Er, there was a reason why he was the last Tsar of Russia. You’d be better off asking the captain of the Titanic to manage Manchester United.

Rasputin—Now we’re getting somewhere. Here’s a man who can understand Andy’s reluctance to stick to the rules and social norms. His wildness and passion would no doubt reignite a fire in the young Braveheart’s belly. And, if you believe the hype, good ol’ Rasputin is also a faith healer, so the next time Andy gets a bit of a wrist strain or sore ankle, he can just ask Coach to lay hands on him. Think of all the medical bills he’ll save on! Just one thing though, Andy is teetotal, whilst our man Rasputin…isn’t. So that could be a point of friction.

Lenin—Now then. A master tactician with no fear of or respect for the status quo. He’ll help Andy upset the cosy Grand Slam monopoly of Roger Federer, Rafa Nadal and Djokovic by giving him the shrewd tactics that any cunning revolutionary would be proud of.  Forget Peace, Land, Bread—how about Game, Set, Match?

If you’ve got something to add to the debate, why not vote on this week’s brand new poll?

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